Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
