your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
