I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
