I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
