if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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