Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
