I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
