Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My breasts were aching with rage.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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