i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
