I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
