I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My vagina just clenched in fear
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
