Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
bring money and cleavage
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
