aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
