he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I lost the right to judge tonight
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
