How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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