You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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