So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
