strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
