did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
