My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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