I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
