I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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