i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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