found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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