I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
