why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
ttyl tear gas
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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