Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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