I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
