Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
