Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
