I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
this just has baby written all over it
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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