I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
