im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
