You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
