You're so nebulous sometimes
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
