I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
