just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
