kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
