they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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