Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
