he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
