Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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