Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
