Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
