96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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