just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
