I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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