i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
