I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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