We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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