Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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